Should I Be Worried?

The Questions:

Hi Jane,

I just found your blog and am so glad I did. I have an AA in Child Development and have found your answers so satisfying on what I believe is the right way in child rearing. So despite all this I still worry constantly about my child (it's always so much different when it's your own). My 2 1/2 year old I've noticed is such a follower. When we go to the park he just watches the other kids and then does what they do. Once when camping my friends little guy wandered into some bushes and my son followed. The problem with that was that my son isn't as advanced as other kids his age. He didn't walk till he was 18 months and doesn't get around as well as his peers. So when he follows others he often gets himself into precarious situations. So I know that some kids learn by watching others but my main concern is how do I help him become more independent. I'm worried that if he stays a follower that it could lead him to trouble when he's a teenager and bad choices are around.

My second concern is that he idolizes another mom (my best friend to be exact) and although I love her a lot, I feel jealous when my two year old goes to her for more juice or for whatever help he needs. And she's very helping so maybe he just sees her as a helper I don't know. Even in his prayers he'll sometimes forget to say thank you for momma but he rarely needs prompting to say thank you for the other mom. Perhaps it's because she is his best friends mom. I have 2 classes that I'm taking this semester and I really just want to be home with my son and my baby (he's 9 mo). Is this behavior happening b/c he doesn't feel that I'm there to help him? I'm just really confused and could use some encouragement and ideas.

Thanks so much and keep up the great blog!!

Sincerely,
Anonymous

The Answers:

Dear Anonymous,

In the situations you've described, I want to put your mind at ease. Your son is very normal and will outgrow both tendencies. Just keep a close eye on him while he's two and three so he doesn't wander off. But he will gradually assert more and more of his own independence as he grows. Maybe he's just very social!

In the case of his seeming preference for your friend, that's ok too. I've come to value every person who plays a positive role in my children's lives and to enjoy their special relationships. Your son has probably figured out that your friend caters to his needs more than you do (like a grandma). But over the long haul, you are his anchor. Especially, during this hectic time in your own life, be grateful for the extra ring of support.

Hopefully you'll be home full-time soon as you'd like.

With Love,

Jane