SO...We received this question and my mom doesn't have any experience with this particular problem with potty training. I (Natalie) am experiencing this exact same problem RIGHT NOW with my 3 year old, and am completely at a loss. Do you have any advice? Help us out, please!
The Question:
Ok, my question has to do with potty training... My oldest son turned 3 in December, and we are working with him on using the potty. We informally approached the issue for several months, and after he seemed comfortable with the potty and had been successful in using it at times, I just committed to underwear for him and only use diapers at night (though he usually wakes up dry anyway). So far it has been two weeks, and he has been doing great! He hasn't had a single pee accident, even going to church and friend's houses. I still have to take him potty throughout the day though. I am assuming (and hoping) that he will eventually tell me needs to go, and progress up to being able to take himself! The biggest issue we are having is with him going poop on the potty. In these two weeks of underwear and wonderful pee success, he hasn't pooped on the potty a single time. So, that leaves me cleaning it out of his underwear every day. He will not tell me when he feels like he needs to go, and if I suggest he try, he refuses. We use a sticker chart for the pee, and have discussed his reward for pooping (a new train!) which he is excited about, but still just won't try to do it. He usually hides in his room and poops when I am pre-occupied (ie. laying the baby down for an afternoon nap) so I continually seem to miss the window of opportunity to take him. On days that I take him and encourage him to try often, he will just hold it until the next day. I don't want this to turn into a long term battle with him, because he has the tendency to be strong willed and dig in his heels about things he doesn't like to do (ie. PICKY eater!). So... long story short, do you have any advice for lovingly helping him to learn this skill? Or do I completely ignore it and one day he will just want to poop on the potty himself?
Sincerely,
Jeanine
Posts
My now 5 1/2 yr old son had that issue, too, when he was a couple months older than your son. I had him go naked from the waist down. He only had poop accidents when he was wearing clothes down there. It was winter here, too, when we did it, so we just stayed indoors and did a lot of reminding him. After a bit I could put underpants back on him and he was accident free. I think it just takes some kids (esp boys) longer than others. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI started to record the times when the accidents would occur. I realized that they were all clustered around 10 am. So eat least then I knew when he was ready to poop, if not always willing to. So, at around 9:45 am I would remind him of his special treat (either a special candy or a "poopy toy that he had picked out and was up on a shelf until he pooped each day) and I would let him hold the special treat while he sat on the toilet and tried to make the poop come out. We still aren't at the point where he tells me when he needs to go, but his body is now set in a routine and we can count on him at least being ready to poop at that time each day.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Mine haven't had this problem, but I've had several friends who have had it. One had a boy who refused to go poop in the potty for almost an entire year. He'd come to his mom and ask for a pull-up every time he had to go. I think it has something to do with wanting to squat down to defacate -- maybe try a smaller potty if you're using the regular potty for him. Another friend had a child who wouldn't go poop in the potty and so she'd put her in a cold shower every time she had an accident. That one seems too harsh to me -- I'm of the opinion that toilet training is about teaching, not about discipline. You don't punish a kid for not knowing how to do something just right; you try to patiently teach them how to do it.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
I had been so worried about this problem myself, I'd hear horror stories of kids becoming constipated because they were so afraid to poop on the potty. So, what I did, which has worked for us so far... was to making "tooting" funny. We pretend to toot several times during the day, always laughing about it, but reprimanding if we got out of control out of the house with it. Then we'd laugh about me or my husband tooting on the potty. Hehe, isn't that so funny. So then I told my son to toot on the potty. And made the straining voice like you would if you were trying really hard to poop, "tooooot". And when he successfully tooted, we laugh, and smile, and giggle, and say "oh you are so funny, toot again!" This of course lead to actually pooping on the potty. And we followed that up with lots of praise and dancing around and a special treat (ours is rice crispy treats). Then we let him dump it into the potty and flush it so we know he's not feeling 'attached' to his poop. He's not potty trained yet, but he's willing to poop and pee on the potty so it might help if you make it fun!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter has always been a pretty constipated kid, so we have been able to put her on the potty (a little seat that goes on top of the toilet seat) and have her poop there. Sometimes it takes lots of patience and a few books or magazines, but she knows how to push it out just fine. She is 2, and not consistent about peeing at the same time and isn't really interested in it, so we haven't tried to fully potty train yet.
ReplyDeleteBut my mom struggled with poopy-training one of my brothers, and one day she mixed up a peanut butter/cocoa mixture into a poop shape. When my brother was on the potty, she discreetly dropped it into the bowl behind him and them made a huge production about him going poopy. She thought that he was scared about what happened when you poop on the toilet instead of a diaper/underwear. So making him think he did it, and survived, and got rewarded did the trick. Good luck!
My sister had the same problem with my nephew, for months she tried the special treat thing AND almost all of what the readers above suggested.
ReplyDeleteWhat it came down to with him is she started taking his "Cars" cars away. He had about 20 to begin with and any time he went poop in his underwear then she would take a car away and put it on top of the fridge so he could still see it but not play with it, any time he went poop in the POTTY she would let him pick one to take back. He was VERY stubborn to begin with and ended up having only a handful of cars. It took about 2 weeks for him to loose those cars, then it clicked that when he goes he can have a car back... so honest to goodness he started trying to go poop every 30 minutes or so to get another car! He would come running to show my sister he went so he could have another one of his cars back. It took him about a week to get them ALL back and now has no issues going on the potty. It's not as harsh as i've heard and it's free because it's something he all ready had and loved to play with. Hope that helps!
My sister in law had this same issue with her son. It was simply the fact that his control over his bowels did not fully develop for a year after she started potty training him. She stuck with it though and used pull ups to save on clean up time and what not. She would encourage him and then suddenly one day he felt the urge to go and went and she praised non stop all day and then that was that.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Jamee
xoxo
I am potty training my second right now and am having the exact, exact same problem. My first went through this also. They are both girls. I think with my first I made it worse by getting upset when she would have an accident. I had to take her to the doctor because she made herself hold it for 6 days and he made me give her an enema it was horrible. So this time around I am being much more positive, and I keep reminding myself that this is common and it is a phase. With my first the doctor had me give her a little miralax in her milk everyday so she couldn't hold it and that got a little messy, but it did the trick. Eventually it just felt normal to her.
ReplyDeleteI haven't done that yet with this one I am hoping it doesn't come to that.
Good luck.
When we were having poo issues we rewarded the kids with mini marshmallows; one for pee and two for poo. This, and a lot of time, helped us.
ReplyDeleteSo first of all I'd like to recommend a book that I read - Toilet Training in Less Than A Day by Nathan Azrin. Ok now that you've stopped laughing, I am serious. The book is sooo 1960's but the concepts are solid. It is all about building understanding (very Montessori in many ways). I didn't follow it exactly. I followed the first part where you teach the concepts of toilet training and then, my daughter being who she is (ok and after a week of crying yelling yuckiness in other areas of her life that turned out to be her own frustration about potty training), let her decide when she was ready. You know what? When she was ready, 6 months later, she just did it. I know you are saying, "ok but that's you". Let's face it. There are many things we CANNOT make our children do. Poop is one of them. Patience and time. My sister-in-law went through this same thing. It almost made her crazy! She tried everything. One day she had a HUGE blow out yelling match with her son - he just would not poop on the potty and he didn't care that he went in his pants. At the end she realized it wasn't worth it. She would remind him that "big boys go poop on the potty" etc, but the battle was not worth it. And you know what? He was getting ready to start school (making my sister-in-law very antsy) and one day he just started pooping on the potty. And that was that. Some kids have wills of iron and some just have their own time line. The best thing we can do (in my opinion) is praise them, be positive, remind them of what we want them to be doing, even offer treats, but ultimately let it be their choice. They'll come around. Like Jane says, a child ultimately wants to please you - AND feel good about themself.
ReplyDeleteWe've sort of had this issue with our son. He usually pees fine, but will sometimes poop in his pants. Now when he poops in his "big boy" underwear, it goes straight into the garbage. I won't clean it up. That matters to him because it's his favorite Lightning McQueen underwear. I don't like throwing it away, but when he poops in pull-ups (like we've been using) there's no consequence (except for our frustration). So this seems to be working. A while ago we started making him wear a "baby diaper" when he chose to poop in his pull-ups or underwear, and that seemed to get him to the point where he is now (able to wear real underwear most of the time). We're still working on the whole potty training process just like you, so good luck.
ReplyDeleteOur son would pee fine but poop training took until he was about 4 1/2. Sometimes it just takes longer, but sometimes there's a problem. He was afraid to go and would hold it in and developed encopresis. Our doctor recommended a book called "It hurts when I poop" and I cannot praise it enough. We bring it out whenever he starts withholding and he remembers how he wants to feel healthy. It also talks about diet. The biggest thing we learned is that the less fuss we made the les it was a problem.
ReplyDeleteI'm dealing with this exact same issue. I attend a mommy and me class and I love the teacher. I'm in the middle of implementing some of the things she just told me so I'll pass them on. She suggested always dumping their poop in the toilet when changing him (we've had problems with this one though, just by the nature of it, you know :) She also said one of the moms in her classes said her son would go if she laid a diaper inside the little potty - for him, going in the diaper made him feel a lot better. Also, reading books on pooping from the library help some people - one mom even went so far as to check out a little bit more advanced books on the science behind it all - and said that when some kids get a better understanding of what was happening inside their body they can let it happen naturally.(We just picked up our 4 books on pooping today.) And lastly, she really stressed that some kids just take a lot longer. I'm trying to remember that myself. It's not a matter of mental development or anything, some kids just take longer. And that's fine. Making them feel bad or getting mad can cause some bad problems internally to their health and that's not good. Good luck! Hopefully both of us can tackle this one!
ReplyDeleteI'm in the middle of working on this one with my 2nd boy. I think most kids are scared of it. One thing we do (even for when they pee on the potty) is they sit backwards on the seat... with boys I think it's easier because you don't have to worry about aiming issues. One thing that will get my 2nd child to do it (occassionally) is he thinks it's really funny to call it dog poops, so we call it that too. Then he feels a little more relaxed. I think with my 1st one, I learned that it is time CONSUMING, like you have to sit in there for 20 minutes singing, or reading, or whatever for them to get their bodies to do it. After a while, they get it figured out.
ReplyDeleteThank you for all the helpful comments! I too do not believe in punishment AT ALL for potty training issues and have tried to make it overall a positive and fun experience for him. As I mentioned, it worked really well for the pee. I think that the comments about being afraid of pooping on the potty, or being more comfortable in some other position were right on about my son.
ReplyDeleteJust as an update- last week after he'd gone poop in his underwear, I realized from the amount that he could not be finished. Thankfully the baby was already asleep, so I was able to take some time to sit with him in the bathroom and have him try some more. He got a little out and we celebrated and bought his train. He didn't want to try again for at least a week, but today we had a huge success! He actually had a pee accident, and I realized it was the time of day he usually poops... so I delayed the baby's nap and just sat him on the potty. I asked him to sit there with his feet on a stool and try doing some toots (we have done the tooting things too, and tried deep relaxed breathing etc). I went to put the baby down and did not expect my son to stay on the potty, but for whatever reason today he DID it! I had to interrupt putting the baby down for a nap because he was calling out "mom I pooped!" So we made a chart with a train picture so he can visually see if he poops five more times he can go get another train. He was really proud of himself, so hopefully after this success it will get easier. =)
I have found praising does the opposite. We never praised before when they would poop in their diaper and now, all of the sudden, we are congratulating and rewarding something they have already and always done before. Praise works for some families but I find it doesn't for mine. I label what they are doing. "ohhhh, you're going poop. Does it feel good to go poop? It feels even better to poop in the potty? etc. Also, if your son seems to like going poop best in his bedroom, take off his pants, put him on a small potty (preferably baby bjorn small potty chair), hand him his favorite toy, book, whatever and leave the room. Your son sounds like he has become accustomed with pooping in privacy. Check back frequently to make sure he is on his potty chair. Offer water or even read to him a little to get him settled in. The worst that could happen is he poops on the floor. Just pick up the poop together (you pick up and he watches) and place it in the little potty and then clean out the potty and clean up the mess. I have found this to be a really good cleaning aid http://www.cleanreport.com/p908/3-Way-Spotter/product_info.html?osCsid=6ea2c015a776a6aa9c1c0cc6847937b3
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